Feelings

Fears

September 14, 2014

 

Before anything else, this is not to scare anyone about entering law school. This is about my fears I had, have or will be having during my law school journey.

Fears

 
So basically, once you enter the world of law school (talking about Philippine setting), you somehow shred some aspects in your life. There will be a limit in your usual activities like chilling when you got nothing to do. Your social life decreases as you enter your higher years in law school. The times to spend to read somehow increases until you realize that you just read, read and read! 

And I have realized that just as I entered my sophomore year. Realizations are coming in, and fast! So when I get the chance just to spend some quality time, I somehow think twice about it and weigh the consequences if I don’t get to spend it by reading.

I don’t know about the others out there because some still get the chance to have activities in their social lives and still manage to study. Maybe it’s just that I’m one of those creatures that cannot serve two masters at the same time. Maybe, my multi-tasking skill has left me or worse, has abandoned me for no good reason at all.

Just a segway, I never thought that I could put animated gifs here. Until now! 

Well, I now am afraid of losing to the evil that lurks everywhere, which is a sloth. People get lazy too. I know even other people around there who are so industrious also feel unproductive at times. I just envy those who have somehow unlimited stash of energy and unlimited productivity that even though they don’t feel that good, they still push to be productive.

I won’t use lazy because I deem that it is a very powerful word that must not be used that often so as not to hurt other person’s’ feelings.

Right now, my deepest fears with regards to this wonderful and crazy adventure I am in are:

Failing

Yes, I admit that I had some failures way back in college. That was the first time in my life where I failed a class and it did not hurt that much because I was really open to that. When I failed a class, it got me so scared because the feeling back in elementary was present. Those expectations were back. So I was really affected by those but I redeemed myself and passed that subject with flying colors during my take two. In addition to that, I also fear to fail during recits. That fear sometimes consumes me that it overtakes the way I think about things.

Being a disappointment

This fear started to exist way back elementary because people were somehow expecting that I’d be a consistent honor student but again, sloth visited and somehow I realized that I wanted to learn by experience and have fun too. Now, whenever others would know that I’m in law school, it’s like they regard of me as a creature with oh so great brain waves that may or may not have existed during the duration of their existence in this world. I just don’t like to be told of being stupid, dumb and other words synonymous to that. We are all smart, somehow we just make poor, irrational decisions that makes us look and seem stupid.

Last but most definitely not the least:

Being left behind or forgotten

Remember what Lilo said to Stitch in the movie?

Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.


Somehow, that really stuck with me even up to the present. I can say that I am an extrovert and others would think that I have a lot of friends just because I am an extrovert but mind you, having a lot of friends or acquaintances can make you feel alone too. Even though some say you are a group, I always see the little groups created in those big loops.

Sometimes, I feel that others don’t understand a word I say because sometimes I unintentionally mix jargons that they know nothing about. I end up always feeling like an alien within that loop. I don’t know why but I think that what others think when law people hang around, they would think that we don’t talk about other things except for digests, cases, recits, assigned readings. We also have other aspects of life that we sometimes neglect.

Good thing that my boyfriend has adapted to the current lifestyle that I am in. Even though I rant about my current experiences or depressions because I wasn’t able to answer during the recit. He would just make me laugh and somehow make me realize that it just wasn’t my day. Everyone gets a bad day. Even if he’s busy with his thesis, he still has time to see me even though he knows that I’m busy with all the readings. He keeps pushing me and he knows that I can always do it. Even if he denies it but I feel he’s my number one fan aside from my mom. I know that I am blessed to have him in my life and I really thank God, the universe and even destiny to have our paths crossed.

So now, I feel a lot better just because I was able to release some thoughts and ready to face new challenges ahead. I just hope I did not scare you!  ✌︎

And this will be my mantra for the rest of the term:

P.S. I hope that I have the chance to get inked too. I wonder when will it be.

Photo credits: Google / Giphy

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply